An ADHD Family Story

I FELT HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF As a 38-year old parent I’d just received a call from my son’s kindergarten teacher. He was talking quickly and clearly beside himself. He went on to say that there were “behavior problems” and my son was disrupting the rest of the class. I apologized and ask him what I could do to help. “Have him evaluated,” he said in a curt tone. “And soon,” he added. “For what?” I replied. “ADHD.” He answered. “It’s more common that you think,” he added. This conversation reminded me of my own experience in school.

As a child, I found it impossible to sit still in class. I was constantly talking to and bothering the other students around me. This was largely because I found it virtually impossible to understand, much less comprehend, what the teacher was saying to us. There were simply too many other things that occupied my interest—what I would later come to understand as “visual distractions.” A case in point. My, fourth-grade teacher, Miss English, had tried everything to control my behavior from washing out my mouth with soap to sending me to the principal’s office. I really didn’t want to “misbehave” but I just couldn’t seem to help myself. At one point she decided that enough was enough. In frustration she banished me to the very back of the room where I occupied a lone desk isolated from the rest of the class. I sat there embarrassed and chastised. And from that distant vantage point, I couldn’t see what she was writing on the blackboard or hear what she was saying to the class. But from Miss English’s perspective the problem had been solved. It was critical point in my life that I “checked-out” from learning. And now it was happening all over again but this time it was my son.

It was critical point in my life that I “checked-out” from learning. And now it was happening all over again but this time it was my son.

We followed the advice of my son’s teacher and found a therapist who was qualified to make a diagnosis. I should make note that my son’s problems were not isolated to school. At home his behavior was ripping apart the core of our family. His brother, who was three years younger, could not stand to be around him. He would simply run to his room whenever he would approach. And worst of all, my wife and I who rarely had argued in the past, were constantly bickering about how to deal with his behavior problems.

The strain on our marriage was evident. We were heading for “the rocks” with no help in site. As we entered the therapist’s office he directed us to a table at the other end of his office.

He ushered my son to the other side of the room where there were a selection of toys on the floor near an adjacent bookcase stacked with board games. “Have fun while I talk with your parents,” he said. He joined my wife and I at the table as we began to explain the problems associated with our son’s behavior. We had talked for only a few minutes when there was a tremendous crashing from the other side of the room. The three of us quickly turned our heads in the direction of my son only to see him perched at the top of the bookcase just a few feet from the ceiling with the board games strewn across the floor. The therapist turned to us with a horrified look on his face. We both spontaneously threw our hands up in the air and said, “See what we mean.” The therapist was clearly surprised-we were not.

In fact there were times when I contemplated that my son might be somehow possessed by some evil spirit.

In fact there were times when I contemplated that my son might be somehow possessed by some evil spirit. A few weeks later we received the results of the therapist’s evaluation. He recommended a doctor for possible drug therapy. After reviewing the therapists report and conducting his own evaluation of my son, the doctor concurred that he was definitely a candidate. At that time, the drug of choice for the treatment of ADHD symptoms was Ritalin, a nervous system stimulant that curiously countered the manic like symptoms of the condition. We noticed an immediate change in my son’s behavior under Ritalin but at the same time, we struggled with the fact that we were in effect “drugging” our child.

During my own childhood, ADHD was not a recognized disorder. Further, those who suffered from its symptoms were thought to be willfully disobedient. However, that conclusion couldn’t be further from the truth. Those that suffer from ADHD largely are powerless to control their own behavior-especially at a young age. They are often surprised at their own misbehavior. And unfortunately those, whose ADHD symptoms were more pronounced, as in my son’s case, were eventually labeled by teachers and society at large as “bad children.” Or at best considered spirited.” The fact is that the odds are stacked against these children as they mature in their teenage years and into adulthood.

A few of the more fortunate ones learn through one means or another to successfully cope. Most often they become entrepreneurs because they do not have to collaborate with other to achieve success. In fact, there is an extensive list of famous people who succeed despite, or perhaps because of, their ADHD. On the other hand, there are those with more severe symptoms who stumble through life from one personal crisis to another. They typically are unable to hold a job for any length of time; their marriages often end in failure; and tragically they often turn to addictive substances to dull the pain of their condition. This was the future that I envisioned for my son.

We soon learned through experience, and with the help of our therapist, that if we could minimize the number of visual distractions our son’s behavior and cognitive performance would improve. It wasn’t until then that we realized the central problem. In the face of multiple stimuli those who suffer from ADHD are unable to distinguish between what is important and what is largely irrelevant. As our therapist explained, the key was to reduce as much as possible the interference caused by outside stimuli. Our therapist was right.

In school with the help of my son’s teachers, he was seated away from the window near students that were generally quiet and non-disruptive. While he encountered other problems in school this simple approach allowed him to successfully move from grade to grade without interruption through high school.

My son is now 21 years old. His symptoms have not abated but he has learned to cope with the symptoms of ADHD. I’d like to say that everything worked out just fine but that simply would not be the truth. Those years were tumultuous at best, and as a result, there are scars between us that may never heal. Through détente, my wife and I were able to hold our marriage together-barely. Even to this day we both are careful what we say when talking about my sons other than in the most general of terms. Any meaningful discussion is still a potential minefield waiting to explode.

For all these reasons I’m excited by the potential that the My Focus glasses represent. I wish that they had existed while my son was growing up. I’m convinced that they could have made a real difference in improving his focus while at the same time improving and minimizing his ADHD driven behavior symptoms. As a father of an ADHD child, and as an adult who has struggled throughout his life to cope with the symptoms of ADHD, I am confident in recommending the My Focus glasses to anyone who is seeking help. I’ve experienced the calming effect that they have when extraneous stimuli are removed. I’ve found it to be in some ways magical.

Through my own personal experience, I know that the My Focus glasses work!